Orgasm (and Twitter) denial

Chesed's wellness plan for May-June

Orgasm is not an important part of sex for me. I counted 31 orgasms in Q1 2025 and came on 35% of days I had sex. One of my boyfriends has never made me come or attempted to make me come. If I specifically want to orgasm, I can reliably do it myself or through a very specific method with a partner (magic wand, closed legs, cock in mouth). What I look for from sex is connection and a vacation from my conscious mind.

With that said, I’ve often wondered if I could expand my experience of orgasm. I would love to orgasm more easily and through different forms of stimulation. This might seem needlessly indulgent, but I tend to think of orgasms as a fairly wholesome source of pleasure. Perhaps it’s best not to reach for pleasure as a coping mechanism in hard times, but I do — and better an orgasm than alcohol.

More importantly, I would like to reshape my relationship with orgasm. When someone is trying to make me come, my attention sometimes becomes narrow and goal-oriented. I am chasing the orgasm, reeling it in with thigh clenches, and trying to conjure up more emotions or darker fantasies to get me over the edge. I am no longer present in the moment with my partner. This doesn’t occur every time, but it’s more frequent than I’d like.