How I learned to stop worrying and love cock in my mouth

Part 2 of a two-part series

I gave my first blowjob at 16, and it was very very bad. (I am still friends with the man in question, a mensch who was a groomsman at my wedding. I occasionally feel guilty when I tell a fun sex story and remember that for him I was not the fun-loving slut I am today but the cause of many awkward moments and long blue-balled drives home). I felt nauseous and terrified just looking at his dick. I licked it a few times, stroked it for a few minutes, and cautiously put it in my mouth and sucked on the head. I didn’t watch much porn at the time and I didn’t have a clear sense of what to do. Unsurprisingly, he did not come. Throughout the rest of high school my blowjobs followed the same winning formula: brief, awkward, and unenthusiastic.

As my body count grew in college, so did my confidence with dicks. I watched some porn and had sex with men who weren’t afraid to give instructions. I wouldn’t have said I liked blowjobs. I saw blowjobs as a means to an end, an option if I didn’t want to have sex or if I wanted to treat my partner. I think many women maintain this relationship to blowjobs indefinitely.

Two factors transformed me into the kind of girl who begs for cock in her mouth. The first was my husband’s dick, which is Too Big. When we first started to have sex it hurt more than losing my virginity. He was gentle and considerate — he went down on me first, used lots of lube, and went slow. I wanted to have sex with him because I was attracted to him and liked him a lot, but vaginal sex felt like a freight train chug a lugging right at my cervix. I knew that I wanted to have rough sex (this was how I was comfortable describing my kinks at the time) but the pain of his Too Big Dick was not sexy. He found it difficult to be faced with requests to both be gentle and rough at the same time, and defaulted to gentle, which turned me off.

We dealt with this uncomfortable dynamic by having a lot of oral sex. My sweet husband is very good and very enthusiastic at cunnilingus, and would spend as long as it took (20-45 minutes) to make me come. After I came I would go down on him. My enthusiasm and skill grew over time, in part because of all of the orgasms. I started to watch porn specifically to identify blowjob technique, and eventually got into blowjob/facefucking porn.

The second factor in my blowjob enthusiasm was the discovery of the Magic Wand. I have always had a hard time reaching orgasm with partners. Fingering didn’t work for me. Touching my clit didn’t work for me. No vibrator I had ever tried worked for me. I could reliably masturbate to orgasm by myself through the pillow/blanket humping technique, but I found it embarrassing and not very interactive for partners. My husband was the first person to get me off, but the process required both luck and very prolonged oral sex. One day we were browsing the shelves of Good Vibrations and happened upon the Magic Wand. We had both heard great things about it, but I was skeptical given my past experience with vibrators. With my husband’s encouragement, I gave it a few tries and we discovered that the Magic Wand could reliably bring me to orgasm in a short time frame.

The one complication was that my legs needed to be tightly clenched around the wand to orgasm, which made vaginal sex while using the wand difficult. After a bit of experimentation, we found the best configuration was me lying on my back with the wand between my legs and my husband standing or kneeling above me fucking my face. The vibrator provided physical stimulation while the cock in my mouth provided psychological arousal. I started to have amazing orgasms, every time we had sex, always with a cock in my mouth. You can probably see how this led to a bit of an oral fixation. I eventually became accustomed to my husband’s Too Big Dick and able to enjoy vaginal sex, but facefucking plus wand remains the primary way I come. When I began to go to sex parties, I discovered that even among kinky women, my enjoyment of facefucking is a bit of an outlier.

I am now trying to diversify my orgasms a bit, but I am incredibly grateful that we discovered the facefucking + magic wand combination. In addition to making me come a lot, it helped me become closer to my husband and get better at blowjobs.

Enjoyed reading the backstory? Check out the first part of the series below:

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