Not a male slut but wanted to give thanks for yall consistently providing immaculate male models for updates in my worldview. The updates are seamless and as close to instantaneous as a human can get. 💗❣️💗
My partner (monogamous for 30 years) and I have been becoming and exploring enm and poly for over a year now, and we have hiccups, but in general things are going well. I find the deeper we go and that I go into my true slut self, the more open and honest and just generally transparent I like to be. Great article above. However, my problem….WHERE ARE THE LADY SLUTS?
I work in my own office and ethically cant date clients, otherwise maybe once a week I am somewhere to meet 1 or 2 new people. Apps havent worked well for me. Where can I GO to meet a higher percentage of people that are slutty like me? What can I do to advertise my own sluttiness? Thanks!
This is almost certainly the hardest challenge for most male sluts. Additionally, age may be a factor in openness to sluttery, we only have experience as part of a younger generation (you've been partnered as long as I've been alive). Would you mind sharing your general location? We only have lived experience in the Bay Area... and I suspect this area is an attractor for visible sluttiness. Still, many cities have their own degrees of kink, group, swinger, poly scenes, but it can take a while to located and plug into the right ones. I've been poly in the bay for about 5 years now, definitely didn't get here overnight. - Pandora
Certainly it does seem as if age (im over 50) and gender (im pretty squarely cis, though im all for other dicks in the game if it gets us all to the fun zone). My partner (also over 50) routinely gets a dozen hits on apps every week from men much younger than her.
We are in Kentucky….which is a problem right there 😆
I guess mainly…how do i know friends would want to be slutty with me? I dont want to be “that guy” or the creepy old man, but i dont know how to approach people or read them for sluttiness when i meet them, and it seems like some of that might take care of itself if i can find where we “all hang out”.
PS i do have a couple lovely FWB/ lets hang out and fuck relationships with friends
Thanks. GREAT advice. Im certainly not desperate, just a little clueless, and have never known “where the sluts (ie people like me) were”. This long approach is rewarding in its own right. Thank you!
I know I’m going against some of the things spoken against in this account, but I wouldn’t necessarily try and bang your close friends.
What I would try to do is get more and more comfortable talking openly about this with your close friends, or a select few close friends. And I would do that specifically with the intention that you are NOT going to bang them, now or in the future. Here’s why:
At some point, they’re gonna say something like, “Oh you should meet Christine and Dave. You’ll love them!” Christine and Dave might not be people you end up banging either, but you’ve gotten closer to more like-minded people, people of an alternative lifestyle, people who are little “wilder.“
Then you’ll hang out with Christine and Dave, they’ll introduce you to other people, it will snowball, and eventually you will find community.
Throughout the whole process, you have created inherent trust from multiple layers of people, so when you enter your community space, you can feel good, and other people they can feel good about you.
It’s weird. I’m from a place where polyamory and ENM is not common, but when I go home and I talk to my close friends about these things, they react like they react the same way they’re trying to get me a job. They want to help. People like playing matchmaker, people like getting their friends jobs — it’s weirdly the same thing.
Your wife has a lot of options on the app, but I’m sure she will find overtime that this is its own burden, dealing with strangers that she doesn’t know, vetting them, and being disappointed by them. I’m sure she’ll have some great times as well, but Talk to you, Polly or non-poly women, and the dating apps are not a paradise for them either, lol.
So don’t get caught up feeling like there are no options for you or that it’s a wasteland out there or whatever. Most male sluts experience have this feeling, especially when they first step out into the world. Instead, adopt that abundance mindset that is talked about in these posts. It’s a much better place to be at. Have some patience. And build out a personal network first before hoping and praying to find ‘someone anyone’ to be a play partner.
Learning to stay away is hard (from BPD/HPD/NPD women), and the best way to learn this is probably to fuck up real hard and go through lots and lots of pain until you’ve learnt your lesson. No, I’m definitely not speaking from experience. Yes, I definitely could’ve learned my lesson more quickly. I hope you will.
-------------
Dude. Come back to me when you were married to one for 22 years... :)
You've mentioned a lot of areas where you draw the line, eg a potentially dramatic female. But what about sleeping with a woman who is married? Or a woman whose husband or boyfriend is known to you?
Very interesting read and it makes a lot of sense. Thanks for sharing your point of view! I’m 48 and married to a wonderful woman and just finally realizing more about my sexuality, so reading this article has been quite illuminating.
> [...] but don’t let your male ego stop you from doing them.
Of course, it’s easy to be confident doing things widely considered unmasculine if you never learned that you’re supposed to have a male ego incompatible with them. It’s probably a good idea to make sure this is not the case.
I imagine that you're in some form of open arrangement in your marriage which makes your case an easy ethical one. However, I'm curious about a situation in which this virtuous or ethical manslut knows that the woman is in a closed monogamous relationship and is clearly about to cheat on her hubby.
Not speaking for the male slut here, but speaking for myself, partnered monogamous people are off limits. I don't want to participate in enabling cheating, just like I don't like to enable other behaviors I deem unethical. I'm not even particularly into monog people who are between relationships, because why open myself up for the risk of catching feelings and then losing the person later on? Plus there's lots of other options open to me that are less messy and won't lead to guilt. - Pandora
His response: "That's a tricky one. I haven't really been in this situation. There are many situations where I wouldn't want to get involved because it could have negative consequences for my own social environment (like if her partner is an acquaintance and could get mad at me, I'd want to stay away). And I typically find it unattractive if someone wants to cheat on their partner, so that's another reason not to do it. But from an ethical perspective it seems probably fine to go for it; it's her responsibility and I think cheating typically highlights existing deeper issues in a relationship rather than creating them (anecdotally, it sometimes even helps with ending unhealthy or abusive relationships)." - male slut perspective
My only critique is him putting the whole burden of ethical responsibility on the cheating partner to free himself from any ethical duty. In a way, I think he is right to treat her as a responsible adult. But there are many instances when we are weak and vulnerable, and our decision-making machinery is compromised and dialed to "self-sabotaging" mode. In this state, putting sole responsibility for ethical decisions on such individual may be a bit unfair. He should at least shoulder some of it as the one being cheated with.
Please this is not a disapproval of his choice preference but a critique of his logic.
I am a bisexual man slut who almost certainly accidentally facilitated adultery about a year ago. Basically the story of the man I slept with- that he was ethically non monogamous with an asexual partner- did not add up in ways that only became obvious after I showed him out. Among other things, he was wearing a ring on his wedding finger which he explained away as a "partner ring," blurted out that Netflix was the only cheating he didn't do, and he moved up our date at the last minute supposedly because he was so excited to see me.
Or, as my primary partner said while I was recapping it to her: "Kaz...he's married and lied to you about it." Oops.
I don't feel especially bad about it; the sex was terrible and he was incredibly selfish in bed so I view that as adequate consequences for getting distracted by his deep voice and tallness 🤣🏳️🌈. As a learning experience I now pay a lot more attention to the minutiae of my new dates' stories, and I don't rush to go out with someone I just matched with or put up with dates being moved up.
That's a separate issue from whether I would go ahead and sleep with someone who is not ethically non monogamous and DOESN'T mislead me about it, though. As the author commented, it's a tricky situation. I have two former marriages, one of which was physically and sexually abusive, and I occasionally wonder if cheating my way out of one or both of them might have resolved things faster or better. My second wife was outright homophobic towards me after I came out to myself and her, and I do have a low key fantasy of wrecking a straight marriage by seducing the man as a personal fuck-you to heteronormativity.
That being said, no matter how hot it is as a fantasy, being a home wrecker is asking for trouble, and it's buying into an unstable situation. I can't say I wouldn't EVER go through with it, but I haven't yet encountered a situation where I would. And I'd probably only entertain the idea with a man; straight cheating bores me and there are plenty of other men who are available for it.
I got a simpler answer. Do you ever watch true crime documentaries? People legitimately get killed over this shit. Lots of guns in this country. Don’t fuck around with cheating, lol!
The male slut has sexy hands!
You should see his forearms! - Pandora
Stahhhhp
Not a male slut but wanted to give thanks for yall consistently providing immaculate male models for updates in my worldview. The updates are seamless and as close to instantaneous as a human can get. 💗❣️💗
My partner (monogamous for 30 years) and I have been becoming and exploring enm and poly for over a year now, and we have hiccups, but in general things are going well. I find the deeper we go and that I go into my true slut self, the more open and honest and just generally transparent I like to be. Great article above. However, my problem….WHERE ARE THE LADY SLUTS?
I work in my own office and ethically cant date clients, otherwise maybe once a week I am somewhere to meet 1 or 2 new people. Apps havent worked well for me. Where can I GO to meet a higher percentage of people that are slutty like me? What can I do to advertise my own sluttiness? Thanks!
This is almost certainly the hardest challenge for most male sluts. Additionally, age may be a factor in openness to sluttery, we only have experience as part of a younger generation (you've been partnered as long as I've been alive). Would you mind sharing your general location? We only have lived experience in the Bay Area... and I suspect this area is an attractor for visible sluttiness. Still, many cities have their own degrees of kink, group, swinger, poly scenes, but it can take a while to located and plug into the right ones. I've been poly in the bay for about 5 years now, definitely didn't get here overnight. - Pandora
Certainly it does seem as if age (im over 50) and gender (im pretty squarely cis, though im all for other dicks in the game if it gets us all to the fun zone). My partner (also over 50) routinely gets a dozen hits on apps every week from men much younger than her.
We are in Kentucky….which is a problem right there 😆
I guess mainly…how do i know friends would want to be slutty with me? I dont want to be “that guy” or the creepy old man, but i dont know how to approach people or read them for sluttiness when i meet them, and it seems like some of that might take care of itself if i can find where we “all hang out”.
PS i do have a couple lovely FWB/ lets hang out and fuck relationships with friends
Thanks. GREAT advice. Im certainly not desperate, just a little clueless, and have never known “where the sluts (ie people like me) were”. This long approach is rewarding in its own right. Thank you!
I know I’m going against some of the things spoken against in this account, but I wouldn’t necessarily try and bang your close friends.
What I would try to do is get more and more comfortable talking openly about this with your close friends, or a select few close friends. And I would do that specifically with the intention that you are NOT going to bang them, now or in the future. Here’s why:
At some point, they’re gonna say something like, “Oh you should meet Christine and Dave. You’ll love them!” Christine and Dave might not be people you end up banging either, but you’ve gotten closer to more like-minded people, people of an alternative lifestyle, people who are little “wilder.“
Then you’ll hang out with Christine and Dave, they’ll introduce you to other people, it will snowball, and eventually you will find community.
Throughout the whole process, you have created inherent trust from multiple layers of people, so when you enter your community space, you can feel good, and other people they can feel good about you.
It’s weird. I’m from a place where polyamory and ENM is not common, but when I go home and I talk to my close friends about these things, they react like they react the same way they’re trying to get me a job. They want to help. People like playing matchmaker, people like getting their friends jobs — it’s weirdly the same thing.
Your wife has a lot of options on the app, but I’m sure she will find overtime that this is its own burden, dealing with strangers that she doesn’t know, vetting them, and being disappointed by them. I’m sure she’ll have some great times as well, but Talk to you, Polly or non-poly women, and the dating apps are not a paradise for them either, lol.
So don’t get caught up feeling like there are no options for you or that it’s a wasteland out there or whatever. Most male sluts experience have this feeling, especially when they first step out into the world. Instead, adopt that abundance mindset that is talked about in these posts. It’s a much better place to be at. Have some patience. And build out a personal network first before hoping and praying to find ‘someone anyone’ to be a play partner.
Hope that helps
Learning to stay away is hard (from BPD/HPD/NPD women), and the best way to learn this is probably to fuck up real hard and go through lots and lots of pain until you’ve learnt your lesson. No, I’m definitely not speaking from experience. Yes, I definitely could’ve learned my lesson more quickly. I hope you will.
-------------
Dude. Come back to me when you were married to one for 22 years... :)
Wow, you beat me with a combined 21 years across two marriages 🤣😭
hahahaha... Well, I fully intend to avoid the mistake of a second marriage... by never marrying again. I'd rather die.
You've mentioned a lot of areas where you draw the line, eg a potentially dramatic female. But what about sleeping with a woman who is married? Or a woman whose husband or boyfriend is known to you?
He definitely sleeps with women who are married 😂 he + my husband get along well and have collaborated on multiple occasions - Chesed
Very interesting read and it makes a lot of sense. Thanks for sharing your point of view! I’m 48 and married to a wonderful woman and just finally realizing more about my sexuality, so reading this article has been quite illuminating.
Be funny and have an interesting skill or two - being handsome counts for 0.5 🙂↕️
> Are you confident enough to [...]
> [...] but don’t let your male ego stop you from doing them.
Of course, it’s easy to be confident doing things widely considered unmasculine if you never learned that you’re supposed to have a male ego incompatible with them. It’s probably a good idea to make sure this is not the case.
AI still needs some work on the bait, but it knows frighteningly well whom to bait.
I imagine that you're in some form of open arrangement in your marriage which makes your case an easy ethical one. However, I'm curious about a situation in which this virtuous or ethical manslut knows that the woman is in a closed monogamous relationship and is clearly about to cheat on her hubby.
Not speaking for the male slut here, but speaking for myself, partnered monogamous people are off limits. I don't want to participate in enabling cheating, just like I don't like to enable other behaviors I deem unethical. I'm not even particularly into monog people who are between relationships, because why open myself up for the risk of catching feelings and then losing the person later on? Plus there's lots of other options open to me that are less messy and won't lead to guilt. - Pandora
His response: "That's a tricky one. I haven't really been in this situation. There are many situations where I wouldn't want to get involved because it could have negative consequences for my own social environment (like if her partner is an acquaintance and could get mad at me, I'd want to stay away). And I typically find it unattractive if someone wants to cheat on their partner, so that's another reason not to do it. But from an ethical perspective it seems probably fine to go for it; it's her responsibility and I think cheating typically highlights existing deeper issues in a relationship rather than creating them (anecdotally, it sometimes even helps with ending unhealthy or abusive relationships)." - male slut perspective
Thanks for getting his response.
My only critique is him putting the whole burden of ethical responsibility on the cheating partner to free himself from any ethical duty. In a way, I think he is right to treat her as a responsible adult. But there are many instances when we are weak and vulnerable, and our decision-making machinery is compromised and dialed to "self-sabotaging" mode. In this state, putting sole responsibility for ethical decisions on such individual may be a bit unfair. He should at least shoulder some of it as the one being cheated with.
Please this is not a disapproval of his choice preference but a critique of his logic.
I am a bisexual man slut who almost certainly accidentally facilitated adultery about a year ago. Basically the story of the man I slept with- that he was ethically non monogamous with an asexual partner- did not add up in ways that only became obvious after I showed him out. Among other things, he was wearing a ring on his wedding finger which he explained away as a "partner ring," blurted out that Netflix was the only cheating he didn't do, and he moved up our date at the last minute supposedly because he was so excited to see me.
Or, as my primary partner said while I was recapping it to her: "Kaz...he's married and lied to you about it." Oops.
I don't feel especially bad about it; the sex was terrible and he was incredibly selfish in bed so I view that as adequate consequences for getting distracted by his deep voice and tallness 🤣🏳️🌈. As a learning experience I now pay a lot more attention to the minutiae of my new dates' stories, and I don't rush to go out with someone I just matched with or put up with dates being moved up.
That's a separate issue from whether I would go ahead and sleep with someone who is not ethically non monogamous and DOESN'T mislead me about it, though. As the author commented, it's a tricky situation. I have two former marriages, one of which was physically and sexually abusive, and I occasionally wonder if cheating my way out of one or both of them might have resolved things faster or better. My second wife was outright homophobic towards me after I came out to myself and her, and I do have a low key fantasy of wrecking a straight marriage by seducing the man as a personal fuck-you to heteronormativity.
That being said, no matter how hot it is as a fantasy, being a home wrecker is asking for trouble, and it's buying into an unstable situation. I can't say I wouldn't EVER go through with it, but I haven't yet encountered a situation where I would. And I'd probably only entertain the idea with a man; straight cheating bores me and there are plenty of other men who are available for it.
I got a simpler answer. Do you ever watch true crime documentaries? People legitimately get killed over this shit. Lots of guns in this country. Don’t fuck around with cheating, lol!