i dont have much to add except that my being inexplicably drawn to this substack has emphasized integral parts of my sexuality that i could not consciously access. I absolutely want sex to be something that happens to me, but have felt guilty about my (perceived) laziness as i grew up in a sexual culture that emphasized taking what you want and being aggressive/active especially as the woman. I hate that and it was not until i realized how bothered i was by your statement that you consider "chesed-on-top an atrocity” that i actually feel similarly and want to allow myself to feel that way. It feels like cold water being splashed onto me as i understand and see the truth of what i want. I have been so touched by your insistence that i can find men who will ravish me but then treat me sweetly afterwards and i feel now i have more confidence to do that. 💗
<3 this brought a smile to my face! i wish you the best of luck in finding men who ravish you + care for you. they are absolutely out there and they are amazing! - chesed
There's lots of content on how to be a good dom. Fun to see some on how to be a good sub! I agree that it's very helpful to be responsive in some way. From the dom perspective, I think it can feel hard to get into a confident headspace without that.
personally i respond well to being told what to do/interactive dirty talk, and i don't think this is just a chesed thing. depending on your exact dynamic, this could include telling her to say specific things, telling her to look in your eyes, etc
It's very hard to tell starfishing from NGAF. if that's your preferred dynamic, great, but generally my best experiences have come when everyone actively tries.
i dont have much to add except that my being inexplicably drawn to this substack has emphasized integral parts of my sexuality that i could not consciously access. I absolutely want sex to be something that happens to me, but have felt guilty about my (perceived) laziness as i grew up in a sexual culture that emphasized taking what you want and being aggressive/active especially as the woman. I hate that and it was not until i realized how bothered i was by your statement that you consider "chesed-on-top an atrocity” that i actually feel similarly and want to allow myself to feel that way. It feels like cold water being splashed onto me as i understand and see the truth of what i want. I have been so touched by your insistence that i can find men who will ravish me but then treat me sweetly afterwards and i feel now i have more confidence to do that. 💗
<3 this brought a smile to my face! i wish you the best of luck in finding men who ravish you + care for you. they are absolutely out there and they are amazing! - chesed
essentially: thank you for showing me i can be my damn self!!!
There's lots of content on how to be a good dom. Fun to see some on how to be a good sub! I agree that it's very helpful to be responsive in some way. From the dom perspective, I think it can feel hard to get into a confident headspace without that.
Any advice on how a man can encourage a starfish to be more responsive?
personally i respond well to being told what to do/interactive dirty talk, and i don't think this is just a chesed thing. depending on your exact dynamic, this could include telling her to say specific things, telling her to look in your eyes, etc
Helped me reframe a bit an issue I have
Love the practical, matter of fact vibes and advice!
It's very hard to tell starfishing from NGAF. if that's your preferred dynamic, great, but generally my best experiences have come when everyone actively tries.