I love that you're writing about this while you're still in it. I think it feels more grounded this way, with notes on which parts are still difficult for you.
Direct communication gets framed like "come on just do it" so often, without acknowledging all the obstacles and incentives working against it. There's a lot that goes into making it actually work so I'm glad you're laying it out!
> It keeps you endlessly improving your delivery when the issue is your partner’s receptivity
Thanks! Let me know if you notice holes in my thinking. I call it “relationship advice for myself” because I find it helps me work through things to write it down, but outside perspectives can help too
You’d resonate with some of my writings. No pressure, but if you enjoy this kind of thinking, take a look. Especially “The Discipline of Containment.” 👍🏻😅
I think I failed at step zero. I will directly ask for things and I get told "no." We have a D/s relationship, but I know you do too, so I guess it's no excuse? Haha.
A D/s dynamic is certainly not an excuse for not caring about your asks, if anything it should be about getting more of what you want/need. But at least it seems like your partner is upfront about what they will and will not give you. It’s easier to then decide if this is a dealbreaker or not. Either decision could make sense, depending on the specifics. Hope things improve one way or another!
I'm going to have to save this column to read later, as I don't have time right now. Having said that, it immediately triggered a mental response - that I am about to share.
I am a little over what is (still?) recognized as "normal" retirement age. At some point in the last year I found myself thinking, "If, in my twenties, I had known half of what I now know about sex and how to please a woman, things would have been so much different."
Then, a few days later, self examination came up with the real response. From my earlier teens until some time that is lost in the mists of time there was a hiccup in this whole idea. In those days, if I found someone attractive, I could talk to her on ANY topic under the sun - except the fact that I was attracted to her. In the presence of a beautiful (I'm not talking Hollywood or Madison Ave definitions here, but the woman in front of me) woman I became almost completely tongue tied on questions of attraction or the possibility of dating. That I had a few relationships - unfortunately all short lived - still amazes me in retrospect.
Ah, well, as they say, youth is wasted on the young. Now I just have to hope - with zero expectations but an openness to the possibility - that I might get another shot at a fulfilling relationship with someone where we can mutually rock the other's boats.
I love that you're writing about this while you're still in it. I think it feels more grounded this way, with notes on which parts are still difficult for you.
Direct communication gets framed like "come on just do it" so often, without acknowledging all the obstacles and incentives working against it. There's a lot that goes into making it actually work so I'm glad you're laying it out!
> It keeps you endlessly improving your delivery when the issue is your partner’s receptivity
Oops, that one's me 🫢
Thanks! Let me know if you notice holes in my thinking. I call it “relationship advice for myself” because I find it helps me work through things to write it down, but outside perspectives can help too
SlutCon was great for helping me unblock "asking for it"! Nowadays I'm finding that my difficulty lies more in "knowing what I want".
I feel like it’s underrated how hard step 1 can be! One of my biggest hurdles too
I love the system you’ve made for building a shared vocabulary with your partner. 👌🏻
Thanks for reading! Happy to hear that the way my engineering brain works resonates
You’d resonate with some of my writings. No pressure, but if you enjoy this kind of thinking, take a look. Especially “The Discipline of Containment.” 👍🏻😅
I think I failed at step zero. I will directly ask for things and I get told "no." We have a D/s relationship, but I know you do too, so I guess it's no excuse? Haha.
A D/s dynamic is certainly not an excuse for not caring about your asks, if anything it should be about getting more of what you want/need. But at least it seems like your partner is upfront about what they will and will not give you. It’s easier to then decide if this is a dealbreaker or not. Either decision could make sense, depending on the specifics. Hope things improve one way or another!
I'm going to have to save this column to read later, as I don't have time right now. Having said that, it immediately triggered a mental response - that I am about to share.
I am a little over what is (still?) recognized as "normal" retirement age. At some point in the last year I found myself thinking, "If, in my twenties, I had known half of what I now know about sex and how to please a woman, things would have been so much different."
Then, a few days later, self examination came up with the real response. From my earlier teens until some time that is lost in the mists of time there was a hiccup in this whole idea. In those days, if I found someone attractive, I could talk to her on ANY topic under the sun - except the fact that I was attracted to her. In the presence of a beautiful (I'm not talking Hollywood or Madison Ave definitions here, but the woman in front of me) woman I became almost completely tongue tied on questions of attraction or the possibility of dating. That I had a few relationships - unfortunately all short lived - still amazes me in retrospect.
Ah, well, as they say, youth is wasted on the young. Now I just have to hope - with zero expectations but an openness to the possibility - that I might get another shot at a fulfilling relationship with someone where we can mutually rock the other's boats.
Guess culture is just ... asking for this:
> IF I HAVE TO ASK FOR FLOWERS, I NO LONGER WANT THEM.
Okay, you don’t want them, so what’s the problem?
Funny that only a woman could write a post like this because men have to figure out "getting what you want" before reaching step 0: partner selection