Red Means No: A man's review

A guest post (by a man)

This does not accurately represent the amount of wine at a RMN orgy

I. Introduction

This review will assume you are somewhat familiar with sex parties/orgies and have seen at least the basic pitch for RMN parties. So you already know that at a typical orgy the median attendee doesn’t have sex, and the majority that do have sex only do so with the partner(s) they came with. You’re also aware that an RMN orgy averages 5+ sexual interactions per person, making it a breakthrough in modern orgy technology. Sounds great on paper, but what is it actually like to go to one of these? First disclaimers:

These are recollections of my personal experience. I’m unaffiliated with RMN and none of this is endorsed by them or reflects any position that RMN may hold.

Ladies - unfortunately this review will be less insightful for you, I can only speak from my experience as a guy. Maybe in the full-morphological-freedom future I’ll write up a review from the other side. :)

For the rest of this review I’ll often refer to “Predators” and “Prey.” RMN is an asymmetrical co-op game. The side playing defense is known as Prey, the side playing offense is Predators. While not exclusively so, Predators are overwhelmingly male, and Prey female.

OK, so.

One of the core insights of RMN parties is that the social pressures enforcing female mate selection is what stymies standard orgies. A huge amount of effort goes into making RMN a place where it’s safe for Prey to give up mate selection, and for the Predators to believe this is real. The STI tests and safety procedures and paperwork are just the beginning. The real work starts weeks ahead of the event.

II. Pre-pre-game: The Discord

A few weeks beforehand a one-time private Discord channel is created for attendees of the upcoming event. This allows for logistics coordination, but more importantly it is an opportunity for the Predators and Prey to flirt, joke, and taunt each other. Veteran members may exchange war stories. Some prey will share excited anticipation or what they’re hoping for. The banter here reinforces that the prey are very on board for what’s going to be done to them. I recommend lurking at the very least, it will reduce some of the ever-ratcheting tension you’ll feel as the day draws closer.

The Predators and Prey also have private channels just for their team members. I don’t know what the Prey get up to–probably something really shameful they should be punished for. >:) But in addition to private not-for-girls jokes, the Predator channel is a great resource. A specific scene that a Predator is interested in may be planned here (or several). New Predators can have their questions about what to do (or expect) answered here. Many Predators will be knowledgeable about specific Prey, either from being in relationships with them or just lots of prior play, and can give advice on how to subdue individual Prey and what they enjoy.

The Discord starts slow, and grows in activity as the day draws closer. Read it actively, and don’t be afraid to ask questions or add a joke or taunt if you have a good one.

III. Study Hall: The Dossier

Every participant submits a form along with their STI results, which creates a dossier page all participants will see. For the Predators this is just a picture, name, HSV status, and maybe a few lines of flavor text. The Prey don’t need to know much about the Predators because they don’t have much choice in what’s going to happen anyway. The Prey form, however, is extensive. Importantly it notes what (if anything) from the default consent list an individual Prey is opting out of (i.e., no oral or stay away from the nipples). Another section lists any non-default stuff they are opting into (i.e., clothing destruction or anal). There can be further notes with clarification, requests, and after-care advice. With over a dozen prey at the event these add up fast.

On the one hand, this is great. More knowledge is more reassurance. On the other hand, it’s so much! You should go over the full dossier at least three times on three different days before you go. And then also take notes with you. Because once you are at the event and there’s tits everywhere and asses in the air it’s hard to remember just what’s in and what’s out.

There are two major saving graces here. The first is that participants wear badges on their person that list vital info (including opt-outs and opt-ins). You can check a badge at any time, and should. The second is that the default opt-in list allows for a really fantastic time. It’s not too much work to identify the Prey that have opted out of the default acts you’re into and memorizing that, because it still leaves you with soooo much to do. Then, if you want to do more intense scenes or specific acts, you can find a Prey in the dossier that matches those desires and plan to go after them. In between those scenes you can fall back on standard forced-oral/PIV with whoever (again, excepting the opt-outs you memorized and/or double-checking badges. Tracking the Prey’s opt-outs IS your job).

If you go to more than one party this gets easier, as you get to know people. Admittedly that doesn’t help you your first time. Take notes, it’s worth it.

IV. Pre-game: The Mixer

The evening before the event there’s an open mixer at a local pub. Just gather and chat, maybe have a drink. I very highly recommend going! It really gives you a vibe for the Prey and a sense for who your subconscious is drawn towards. Pictures and text are one thing, but there’s nothing like being next to someone and feeling how your body reacts to their presence. Also, crucially, it really hammers home that these ladies absolutely do want this to happen to them. Despite the forms and the Discord, nothing is half as convincing as a laughing woman thrumming with excitement across from you. It’ll probably facilitate at least one scene for you the next day. Making a human contact with tomorrow’s Prey significantly lessens the terror inherent to walking into an orgy group as the new guy.

Speaking of being the new guy–chat to the guys at the mixer as well. These will be your brothers-in-arms. Some of the Prey struggle a lot (more on this later), and require more than one Predator to take down and hold still enough to fuck. Get to know some of the dudes here and build goodwill. Everyone wants this to succeed, and you’re a part of that team. It works better if you’ve already exchanged some words and taken just a bit of each other’s measure.

The mixer also allows you to put faces to names in a much more solid way than the Dossier. Seriously, don’t miss it if you have any say in the matter. Get an earlier flight if you have to.

V. Day of: Entrance

Don’t be even slightly late. Seriously. Make sure you are familiar with the default consents and responsibilities. Review the dossier one last time.

VI. Opening Ceremonies: Who Goes There? and On Trust

Usually the Prey sequester in the 30-45 minutes before the official event kick-off to primp and prepare. All the Predators mingle while we wait as an occasional Prey flitters through in half-undress. What kind of people come to these things, you may ask?

At a recent RMN where the costume theme was religious-cult-inspired one member attended with a small wood crucifix he’d found lying on the street the day before. As we waited for the Prey to finish their costuming & make-up he told the tale of its acquisition and the serendipity of finding such an authentic costume accessory just in time. This started a conversation on whether this would violate the original owner’s preferences, and if that mattered, and what their meta-preferences would be when considering that they believe in an omniscient god that had presumably guided the crucifix to be in exactly the right spot to end up here, and whether speculating on the meta-preferences of a stranger was too self-serving and could be turned on us in the reverse case.

So, basically, huge nerds. If you’re familiar with kink this isn’t a surprise. :) A large majority of attendees are nerdy and overly analytic, and all of them are quite friendly. These are people I would want to hang out with even if we weren’t about to bang a bunch of ladies for several hours.

When the Prey are ready they return as a solid group, and they may put on a small production to get everyone’s attention. Then we all sit down for opening circle. At this point the responsibilities and default consents are gone over again. The default safe word & gesture is reiterated. Everyone then practices ignoring someone’s “No!” for a while, and then desisting immediately upon hearing “Red.” Then we do it again. In addition to reminding everyone again that Red means No, it builds some trust that the Prey will indeed say Red when they want something to stop.

Because ultimately, trust is what this entire thing runs on. Of course the Prey have to have a lot of trust in the Predators, but as I said near the top I can’t speak much of the Prey experience. As a guy, though, not crossing a woman’s boundaries is one of the most important lessons society drills into you. Making sure she’s happy about everything that happens is your most important job, and messing that up can mean anything from a reputation that damages every interaction and opportunity you’ll encounter for years to permanent exile from everyone you know and care about. There are deep layers of behaviors learned to navigate this, and RMN asks you to just suspend many of them for the course of a night. This can’t be done.

For example: The room where the Prey prepare in the minutes leading up to the event is part of the play zone once the party starts. Prey can (and sometimes are) dragged into this room to be ravaged. But on one occasion a few Prey were hanging out in the room chatting, a Predator turned the corner, saw them inside, and said “Oops, sorry” and left. The Prey found this funny in the context of the party. One doesn’t apologize for walking in on Prey at an RMN party! But the Predator had simply had his Woman’s Sacred Space detector triggered and reacted instinctively. Seeing several women chatting in a semi-private area in what had been the place they’d all gathered to dress and put on make-up beforehand is as perfect a pattern-match to Sacred Woman Area as you can get short of a sign on the door. Not only is the reaction instinctive, but overriding that instinct may not be possible for his autonomous system. You can walk into the room and grab someone’s ass or pull them to the bed, but you can’t make your dick get hard when it’s telling you to GTFO. That takes trust.

So the constant reiteration that the women really DO want this, and if there is ever anything happening to them that they don’t want to be happening they’ll speak up and stop it, is incredibly important. I’ve participated in several scenes where the only thing keeping me going was trust that the woman was a grown-ass adult that knew what she wanted and knew how to use her words and I could stop trying to second-guess everything. It’s a trust that comes easier as you go to more parties. The first one is a leap of faith. Fortunately you don’t have to jump alone.

VII. The Festivities Commence - Embodiment, and Self-Discovery

RMN is ever-evolving, so this may not always be the case, but at recent events the party begins as a mostly-normal mixer for some minutes, then upon a signal transitions to normal party except the Prey can be groped and fondled at will. Not long after that it transitions to its final form, where any Prey can be stripped, hauled away, pulled to a soft surface, tied up, and/or forced to take dicks, in whatever combinations the Predators like. When phrased like that it sounds amazing, like some sort of sex paradise. Reality is more complicated (but, potentially, also amazing! We’ll get to that.)

People talk a lot about “embodiment” nowadays. But never in your life will you come to truly understand what that means like you do when you’re in the middle of the world’s best IRL porn and your body is in full rebellion against your mind. One of my most “wtf is wrong with me” moments was at my first RMN walking past one girl going down on another, with her ass up in the air in what is the most blatant “come fuck me” position possible at one of these parties. Pretty girl, great ass, ripe for the taking. And my dick just would not do anything, despite this being a classic literal porn setup. But hey, I didn’t know either of these girls at all. In every other place in the world this would be a “don’t interfere” situation. The girls are having fun, you’re obviously not needed. Despite me knowing that this isn’t the case here, my body doesn’t know that. It doesn’t believe it. I can force myself to take almost any voluntary action, but my dick is the absolute barometer of embodied knowledge, and it is not fooled by mere words. A few minutes later, when I see the lady I was having a great time chatting with at the previous day’s mixer, my dick is all in. That belief of “she wants this” is embodied. The previous one was not.

Fortunately RMN attendees are the best people in the world. Per above, Predators are nerdy and friendly. The Prey are equally fantastic. They know that this is a high-pressure environment, and that the Predators are doing things that all of society has trained them are awful things that’ll get you de-personed. And that many of the subconscious cues women throw out that signal “I’m interested, come here” are not only missing, but are sometimes instead screaming “OMG NO STOP AUGH,” and this can be stressful. The Prey are extremely understanding of Temporary Dick Outages and super sweet about it. Don’t make it a big deal and it isn’t a big deal. Maybe you can come back later, as there’s still lots to do during a Temporary Dick Outage. You see…

Prey come on a spectrum. On the pliable end they want to be stripped of agency and are happy to be used like toys. On the opposite end they want to be forced into sex by rampaging dick-monsters and will fight like goddamned demons to keep anyone but dick-monsters away. I don’t know if you’ve tried to get your dick inside someone who is struggling with all her power to keep you out without doing permanent damage, but it’s not easy. There are four flailing limbs and teeth involved, and you only have two hands. In addition, when doing serious wrestling your body transfers blood to muscles and generally shuts down recreational functions. When there is a seriously bloody-minded Prey being tossed down, it can easily require multiple men to hold her in place and open while one not involved in the struggle does the actual penetration.

This is an ideal use of Temporary Dick Outage time. You are helping to fulfill the fantasies of Prey and you don’t even need to be hard to do it! At the same time you’re participating in a team sport with other guys. It is surprisingly bonding to coordinate wrestling activities with your buds in pursuit of multiple railings on a target. You get to watch them being violated and feel them writhing as they’re pounded. In time you may even get back in the groove and take a turn yourself, which is ideal, though doesn’t always happen. Even when it doesn’t it’s fun to participate, and depending on the scene you may all get to hang for a while afterwards and chat and bond a bit.

As you join in scenes or move from room to room, try to let your body take the lead. Listen to your dick, the deep-down hidden dick inside you, not the mask-dick you think you should have. This is the most fertile environment possible for learning about what your inner dick really wants and it would be a shame to waste it. There are a wide range of body types across many axes. There are a vast smorgasbord of personalities. Try out a few things. Does your dick shrug at one girl but surge upright for another and you can’t tell why? Start noticing. Stop thinking in shoulds and let the force be your guide. If you’re drawn to something, follow it. You may find some very surprising things.

Or you may just want a snack. Bodies are weird.

If you’re very lucky, though, you may just hit a groove. Maybe you’ll be walking through a room and see a girl sitting chatting, and something in your dick says “fuck it, I want that one” and you’ll just walk over and put your dick in her mouth mid-sentence because if there’s one place in the entire world where that is the optimal move it’s this place. Turns out it was indeed a great move, the Prey really are here for exactly this treatment. You just had to believe them, and now this positive reinforcement is making your body finally believe them. You take her to the floor and plow her for a good long while, and when you’re done you aren’t fully You anymore. Because normally You are your Thoughts and your Priors and your Anticipated Experience, but right now those things are taking a backseat, and the new “You” is Instincts and Drives and Desires. And you see another girl you like and you move to take her without fully thinking about it, you just do what feels right, and she comes right down too. When you get up later and get some drinks and hydration your dick is still in the zone. For the next few hours Traditional-You is riding semi-detached, a supervisor role managing things here and there, but mostly hands-free as Embodied-You is finally free to roam. Moving to the snack table to munch, or kneeling down behind a lady on her hands and knees as you strap on another condom. Some cuddling for a bit. Standing to stretch, chatting with a girl, then pushing her down and spreading her legs wide. For hours there isn’t doubt or shame or expectation. Just exploration and deep temporary entanglement, hormones and instincts. It’s beyond normal existence, without stepping all the way into the psychedelic. A transcendence of vulgar reality that you can only find in union with others seeking this way. It’s fantastic.

It doesn’t happen every time.

VIII. The Festivities Continue - Chatting

These parties go for six hours at a minimum, eight hours isn’t unheard of. They are sober parties. There’s a lot going on, and you will not be able to retain a single emotional state throughout. You cannot fuck that many hours. Take breaks, and hydrate. Chat.

During this downtime maybe we cover some questions that someone who’s never been to a party might ask.

What’s the venue like? Well, I’ve only been to a few. But the ones I’ve been to have been in large, gorgeous multi-floor houses. Very aesthetically pleasing, with plenty of food platters in the kitchen, lots of mattresses laid out on the floors of the large common rooms, and at least a couple bedrooms available. There are condoms and lube available in every room, but I’d bring my own anyway just to be sure (and to get custom sizing, it really makes a difference!).

There’s no play allowed in the kitchen or bathrooms. Most of the action happens in the large common rooms, usually one on each floor. This raises an interesting point! Earlier I mentioned the spectrum of Prey. The Prey that strongly prefer being violently held down and penetrated as they struggle and rage bring a different energy to a room than those that want to be passed around like fuck toys. Nowadays the heavy-fighting occurs in the downstairs floor of a venue, and the free-use is in the upstairs floor. Most of the Prey aren’t at either extreme, so they often float between the floors. This also means you see non-CNC scenes downstairs, and some occasional struggle-scuffles upstairs. But the downstairs is mostly where the heavy play is. You cannot drag Prey between floors.

The common rooms are big enough for quite a few concurrent scenes, and it’s common to see two going at once in each room, sometimes four or more.

The Prey mostly range from late 20s to late 30s, but the full age spread is across decades. The Predators are slightly older than Prey on average, and also have more variance in age. They lean towards more fit (it’s 6+ hours of this, c’mon), but again there’s a wide spread.

If you have access to Viagra or Cialis, absolutely make use of that. Coming to an RMN is scary and a lot of pressure your first time (and second, and third, and etc, but less each time) and every little boost helps. Speaking of which, make sure you get plenty of rest in the days beforehand. And is carb-loading a real thing? Maybe do that, if it is.

There are a few things to shackle Prey to downstairs. Someone always brings impact toys. There are a few vibrators and Hitachi wands around, but it doesn’t hurt to bring your own. Sometimes there is a Sybian.

There are a few new people at every party, yes. Not everyone can come back, not everyone wants to go to every party, and bringing the experience to new people is a joy in its own right. It’s wonderful to watch someone experience something like this for the first time. :)

Good to go? Alright, let’s get back in there.

IX. All Good Things Come To An End

Eventually the party wraps up. All bodies have their limits! We all gather in the main room again for closing circle. First things first - who won the game?

Did I not mention the game? Well, you don’t have to participate to have fun, obviously. But each RMN party includes a party-wide sex game. The Predators can score points by sexing Prey of multiple randomly-distributed classes, which encourages play with more Prey and gives excuses or motivation to go further afield than one might otherwise. Prey can remove points by pressing three very conspicuous buttons simultaneously, which opens them up to being tackled and subsequently ravaged when they attempt to press them. If the Predators get to a certain point total they win, otherwise the Prey win. Winning side gets cupcakes, and eternal glory. It’s fun and a great way to cap the event.

Then we wind down by spontaneous sharing any highlights, thanking the organizers, taking a group photo (if you want! Plenty of people opt to not be in the photo) and all finding our clothes and making our way out. Some folks will stay a little bit and chat to unwind. It’s easier to chat when the pressure’s off. The event is over and it went well and everyone is a little bit high on the endorphins. You will almost certainly make some friends. It would be hard not to, after something like this.

The organizers send out a survey after the party in an eternal quest to know more things and make the next party better. Like I said, these parties attract the best people in the world. The organizers are the reason for this, and they never stop proving it.

The Discord stays active for a couple weeks after, so people can chat about the night and remain in contact for a while longer. Going cold turkey after something like this would be cruel. Stories are exchanged, and sometimes contact info as people vow to remain in touch. More than a few dates have blossomed in the wake of RMN parties, and several have continued on into longer relationships. The platonic friendships that are born of these aren’t to be ignored either. Creating a shared experience as extraordinary as this one will forge interesting bonds with your fellows. The most fascinating part is seeing which ones you feel closest to afterwards, and then trying to figure out exactly why. Is it all hormones? Subconscious vibes? Something your inner-bro picked up on that isn’t legible to your verbal mind?

Well, there’s only one way to find out. Come back for another one, gather more data, and compare results. And if we happen to have a fantastic, gut-wrenching, ego-slipping experience and somehow make even more friends along the way, maybe that’s OK too. Maybe it’s what we were secretly after the whole time. Maybe it’s even starting to feel like home.

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