A Fluffer's Guide to Blowjobs
Part 1 of a two-part series from Chesed
Content note: Detailed discussion of sexual acts, sexual fantasy and improper language. I mostly refer to those with penises as men but there is nothing to stop you from using this guide to give nice blowjobs to women with penises. I certainly have (and it’s been a rough week for trans ladies).
A few years ago I began to develop a reputation similar to the late great Nancy Reagan in my little corner of the Slut Cloud. That reputation was strengthened by fluffing for Aella’s gangbang. I don’t identify as a throat goat or a blowjob queen (I have some weaknesses, namely deep-throating) but I admit to being a blowjob enthusiast who gets pretty good reviews. I recently sent out a survey to past sexual partners requesting feedback on my blowjobs. The mean rating on a 0-10 scale was 8.57.
A few representative comments:
Personally have to say she ranks in the top 5 all time out of roughly 100 different mouths that have given me a blowjob. At this level, it’s hard to even describe why it’s so good. There’s a balance struck perfectly between cock hungry, sloppy sucking slut who might leave your balls in a puddle of spit, and an innocent bashful girl that hits all the right notes.
[Chesed] gives great head. Some of the finest mouth movement I've had. I appreciate her consistency, tongue, attention to detail, and willingness (dare I say dedication) to persevere through adversity (choking and vomiting on cock). I can't cum from most people giving me head, but I can say that [Chesed] has achieved that multiple times…I'd appreciate more sloppy enthusiasm when 1:1, but I understand that's not always possible in group settings.
To be frank, gives a better blowjob than 90% of my historical partners have done.
I like how you accept your fate
Your blowjobs are excellent, would definitely recommend to a friend…I think more feedback and encouragement might be nice, both before and during, e.g. some form of feedback on whether you want me to come on your face / in your throat, whether you're down for intense upside-down facefucking vs. just a normal blow job, how much you can take / how close you are to your edge. Gets me out of my head if I don't have to worry as much about whether I'm calibrated correctly to your preferences. As a small bonus, for my own enjoyment I'd like to finger your pussy during the blow job, which you could encourage more by spreading your legs and opening your pussy for me.
When facefucking you after cuddling and cumming in your mouth, i kept checking at every stage whether you’re excited with going ahead and it was a rare (for me) experience of feeling like you can accept all that I want to give. I don’t need to restrain myself. it made me feel accepted, desired and loved
Awesome mouth, awesome eye contact and excellent focus on giving superb service. I loved how into it she was
My recent tendencies towards oral are partially practical. Just before Aella’s gangbang, I decided to remove my IUD. My husband and I weren’t quite ready to try to conceive, but I wanted to start understanding my cycles. In the interest of avoiding unintentional pregnancy by the wrong guy, we decided I would restrict my fluffing to oral sex (and handjobs, but I don’t really believe in handjobs). Now we are actively trying to conceive and so I restrict my extracurricular sex to just oral (with the exception of protected vaginal sex during my period). However, my enthusiasm for oral sex predates these practical concerns. I’ll discuss the backstory in an upcoming post.
The guide: Four steps to better blowjobs
Step 1: If possible, eroticize blowjobs
It is hard to be good at things you hate. Eroticizing blowjobs makes practice (key to any skill acquisition) more fun and also inherently makes the blowjobs hotter. If you take nothing else away from this guide, please remember that actually being into blowjobs = better blowjobs. Watching porn or reading erotica that centers blowjobs or facefucking may be helpful, but I think the key is figuring out how blowjobs/facefucking can fit into your favorite erotic themes and dynamics.
A few ideas:
Submission: You are sucking his cock because he wants you to. Good girls/slaves suck cock and you’re a good girl/slave. Be a good girl and open up your throat for your Master/husband/boyfriend/Daddy. Show him how much you love his cock. Let your Master/husband/boyfriend/Daddy have your mouth.
Sluttiness/mild degradation: You are sucking his cock because you’re a slut. You love having cock in your throat. You’re going to come with a cock in your mouth. Show him what a good slut you are.
Degradation: You are sucking his cock because that’s what your mouth is for. Talking isn’t important. Breathing isn’t important. Your mouth is made to take cock. You’re a dirty little slut/whore and you need to show that you understand your place by taking his cock deeper.
Love/passion: You are sucking his cock because you love him. You respect him and fully accept him. You want to make him feel amazing. You want to see the look on his face when he comes inside your mouth. You love the taste of him on your tongue. You want to be so close to him that you need part of his body inside yours. You want to show him how much you love him.
Worship: You are sucking his cock as an act of worship. You look up to him adoringly. Your cock sucking has almost a spiritual or ritual quality. You are so grateful you have such a stunningly perfect cock to taste, feel, smell, and look at. You love that this is a way to show your devotion and reverence to him.
FemDom: You are sucking his cock because you want to. You like how desperate he is for it, the little noises he makes, the wild look in his eyes. He’s a full grown man and you’re just a small woman, but you are in control. He would do whatever you asked him to do right now. Maybe you’ll make him come if he’s a very, very good boy. Maybe you’ll just stop when you get bored.
Step 2: Identify and address icks
Do you have intrusive thoughts or sensations that make it hard to enjoy blowjobs? What can you do to address them? For example, if the smell of balls grosses you out, you could request your partner take a shower. If you’re concerned about STIs, ask your partner to get tested and request that he take antivirals if he has HSV. If you use condoms for vaginal sex, I suggest requesting that your partner clean his dick after removing the condom to avoid gross condom taste. Are you nervous about throwing up? Try to ensure you have time to digest (no blowjobs right after dinner) and avoid heavy foods. Personally, I also avoid having sex with men with very sensitive disgust responses. Men: if your partner inadvertently vomits during oral sex, I suggest providing reassurance/praise, water, and cleanup (warm water on washcloth then help her into shower).
Step 3: Focus on technique
Active blowjobs
I think it’s helpful to think about blowjob technique in terms of the texture and movement that is nice for a penis. During an active blowjob there’s a variety of sensations you can create:
Sliding: Sensation of lips and/or inside of mouth moving against dick
Sucking: Same but with suction
Licking: Using tongue to stimulate specific areas of the dick. This is most effective if you combine with another technique (e.g., you are sucking dick and then with dick still in mouth you lick around the head a bit). The spot where the underside of the dick meets the head is particularly sensitive for many men
Swallowing: Imagine the dick is well into your mouth and possibly throat. You can create a nice tightening sensation (almost like a kegel during vaginal sex) by lightly swallowing or almost swallowing
Beyond the mouth:
Many people use their hands to stabilize the dick and provide additional sensation. That is totally allowed and preferred by a lot of guys but not my personal preference.
Hands can be used for other things! Consider cupping or stroking the balls, pressure on the perineum, finger in the ass, grabbing ass. Men have pretty different preferences so I would check in first!
Some notes on comfort and position for an active blowjob:
Depending on your partner, blowjobs might take awhile! It’s worth noticing if there is strain on any area of your body (knees, toes, neck, shoulder, jaw) and checking if there are adjustments you can make to make the blowjob more ergonomically sustainable.
You’ll want a position that has your mouth level to the dick, ideally without having to strain your neck.
My favorite positions
On my knees or kneeling with feet tucked under me on a pillow. Depending on dick height, your partner may be standing or sitting and you may need to switch from kneeling to upright on knees or add a pillow.
Laying on bed, side-lying. You may want a pillow for support.
Least favorite positions
Man laying on back, me kneeling. I find that this causes a lot of neck strain and isn’t sustainable.
Facefucking or receptive blowjobs
For facefucking or a more receptive style of blowjob, you’re taking a less active role in determining what kind of sensations to create (I love this). There is still a bit of technique involved:
Teeth: Most dicks do not want teeth. Try to cover your teeth with your lips and kind of guide the dick past the teeth. With that said, particularly forceful facefucking may take that out of your hands and into your partners.
Moisture: It will feel better for both of you with more saliva. Make sure to hydrate before and during, and use any break to gather a bit more saliva. Don’t be afraid of getting messy - this is part of the experience.
Relaxation: Try to relax your jaw and face.
Some notes on comfort and position for facefucking:
Safety: You need some sort of signal to alert your partner if you are uncomfortable or need to stop. My community is partial to a triple tap, but you can pick anything as long as your partner is aware of it.
Breathing: Try to breathe through your nose if possible. It’s easiest to time this in between thrusts, when the dick isn’t all the way in. You can also sneak breaths around the dick (hard to describe but essentially create a little extra space, breathe in, get back to it). Let your partner know if you need a break.
Gagging: Gagging is common with facefucking, and can be hot for both parties. It can also be uncomfortable for both parties if excessive, and can lead to vomiting. If you find that you have a very very sensitive gag reflex you may want to start by getting more comfortable with active blowjobs, where you can better control the depth and angle of the dick. I find that angle is really important in determining how much gagging and discomfort occurs. Some dicks go right, some left, some up, and some down. The key to comfortable facefucking is finding a position in which the curve of the dick is best lined up in the mouth and throat. I don’t have any algorithm for this - I suggest trying a few different positions and seeing what feels best.
My favorite positions:
Laying on my back with partner above me, his face pointed towards my face
Laying on my back with partner above me, his face pointed towards my feet
In this position he can go down on me or touch me easily
Thoughts on deep-throating
I am personally pretty bad at deep-throating, or the act of allowing a dick past the oral cavity, into the pharynx, and through the upper esophageal sphincter (UES) into the upper portion of the esophagus. That sphincter is powerful and good at its job. I mostly avoid deep-throating during both active blowjobs and facefucking, despite my husband’s very big dick. I have two techniques, one which is obvious and the other which I can’t explain well.
The whole dick doesn’t have to be inside for it to feel good. A lot of women use their hands at the base of the dick during an active blowjob to create the sensation of engulfing the whole length even though their mouth is only on like half the dick. I hate using my hands and don’t do this unless explicitly asked. However, I find that great sensation on 75% of the dick is more effective than shitty sensation on 100% of the dick. For an average blowjob I may occasionally bring the whole dick inside my mouth for drama, but the majority of the time the base is not inside my mouth or throat. This allows me to have enough stamina to finish.
I sneak a lot of dick in my mouth without going into the throat. I don’t have a great explanation for how I do this, and it is easier with certain partners than others. I suspect it has something to do with dick curvature. I can get most of a 7-8 inch dick in my mouth and possibly pharynx without trying to go through the UES. My best advice is to try different positions until you find one that allows you to comfortably get a lot of dick in your mouth without putting it down your throat.
If I ever get good at deep-throating I’ll update you all with my process!
Step 4: Flourishes
A few little extras can make blowjobs or facefucking extra hot. No need to incorporate all of these every time, but consider adding a flourish that turns you on and feels authentic.
Eye contact: It’s often difficult to hold continuous eye contact while also maintaining a good angle on the dick. Try looking up for a second and holding his gaze. Depending on your dynamic, your expression might be flirtatious, bashful, embarrassed, worshipful, blissed out, or nervous. Play around!
Swallowing: I like swallowing for both psychological and practical reasons. Easy cleanup! Men also seem to like this a lot. If you don’t like the taste of semen, try to get the guy to come towards the back of your mouth or throat, avoiding the tongue. If it does hit your taste buds, a swig of Spindrift or kombucha is an excellent remedy. (Someday I will write a full post for men on making your house lady-friendly, but for now please just trust the following list: sheets on bed, blanket, space heater if cold, something clean to wipe up come, fizzy water, extra jacket)
Facials: This is not the most practical thing to do with semen because it can easily get into eyes (stingy) and hair (annoying to clean). However, it is psychologically powerful and hot for a lot of people. Men, I think it’s pretty rude to do this without negotiation. You don’t need to make a whole powerpoint presentation about how you respect women but also really want to come on their faces but please give some kind of warning which allows time to get their face out of the way if they want. Unless it’s me. If I’m having sex with you then you can come on my face (although I may want reassurance after that you like me because coming in my mouth feels more affectionate). It is both polite and cute to wipe off your lady’s face after with something clean (e.g., tissue, wipe, washcloth) rather than your dirty boxers.
Bondage/movement restriction: Having hands tied behind back, in handcuffs, or bondage-taped to sides can be incredibly hot because of the feeling of helplessness it creates. If you are laying on your back for facefucking, your partner can restrict the movement of your arms with his legs. I would suggest doing this with trusted partners only because of the vulnerability involved. You may need to revisit your safety signal (e.g., change from triple tap to triple cough or blink or something).
Open mouth gags: There exist a variety of gags made for allowing blowjob access. I have not tried them and can’t speak to any tips, tricks, or warnings.
Coming soon…
Part 2: How I learned to stop worrying and love cock in my mouth
You’re doing the lord’s work 💋
Epic breakdown of blow jobs…looking forward to part two 💕